Anger: To be or not to be.

If that is the question, then, what is the answer?

Well yes be angry; but within the framework of Aristotle’s philosophy.

The expression of anger in an inappropriate way, I believe, is the crux of a lot of our neurosis. People, can often allow anger to build up, to the point where it is released, not only disproportionately but very often aimed at the wrong person.

·         Sometimes, when we have had a bad day at work and take it out on the family when we get home, or.

·         Had a bad evening at home and take it out on: employees, subordinates or colleagues

Worst of all, personally, we take it out on ourselves. The expression of excessive anger takes its toll on our body's and our minds. Far more than most of us realise!

I believe, at the root of a lot of anger is poor, or ineffective, communication. Together, with a lack of understanding of how anger can be managed. People, conceal responsibility for their actions with statements, such as, It’s the way I am, I couldn’t help it. If only they hadn’t, etc. The truth is, you can be different, you can help yourself and whilst other people may provide the circumstances, or stimuli, for you to become angry, the choice to become angry belongs to YOU!

Part of the explosive anger, experienced by most people, is biological. And a small, but very important, part of the brain, called the amygdala, an almond shaped structure on each side of the brain, is responsible (biologically). The amygdala, is thought to be responsible for the arousal of  hormones which are central to the expression of negative emotions in man. Many gestures reflect the amygdala's turmoil. In an anxious meeting, e.g., we may unconsciously flex our arms, lean away, or angle away from colleagues who upset us. Lip, neck, and shoulder muscles may tense as the amygdala activates brain-stem circuits designed to produce protective facial expressions. The amygdala also prompts the release of adrenaline and other hormones into the blood stream, thus stepping-up an avoider's response and disrupting the control of rational thought.

Whilst, this may explain, in part, the biological element of our anger response; it does not excuse us from the responsibility of our actions. This biological response is also the source of much of the remorse, if not all, we feel after we have properly evaluated our actions.

The good news is that we can learn to manage our response patterns, and, in effect, take control over certain areas of our neural control system. I say some, because the amygdala is also the part of our brain involved in certain emergency actions, e.g. if a child ran across the road in front of your car, you would not want to evaluate the situation – you just brake, like hell – would you?

When we learn more about us as humans, and what makes us tick, it opens up choices. When we don’t know what makes us tick; we just carry on ticking; whether in a controlled manner, or not.

In my anger therapy, I look at inner resources, inner, and outer, self talk. If we believe ourselves to be honest decent human beings; there is a chance we may believe our self talk, be it positive or negative. Of course, it is the latter that causes much of our neurosis. Also, paramount in the proper expression of anger, is the ability to forgive – others and our self. It is forgiveness that is essential, in order to start the process of release. Whilst we harbour angry thoughts, we also harbour the emotions attached to them. When we learn to forgive, we give ourselves permission to let go. This helps us to feel better about who we are, what we stand for, or what we will not.

When, we feel better about ourselves: we are able to take responsibility for our actions, communicate more effectively, with our self and others, reduce inner conflict, create harmony and have an inner sense of contentment. This does not mean, however, that we no longer experience anger; but, it does mean we have more control and express anger in the way Aristotle meant in his verse.

In fact anger, and its release, is a vital function of normal living. And essential in our bid to navigate our way through this strange thing called life.

To find out more about how I can help with your experience of anger, or even help you, in dealing effectively with other peoples anger towards you.

Please, call Thom for an informal chat and remember the initial Consultation is FREE!